Be the Change You Want to See In the World

To Light Yahrzeit Candle for a beloved pet?

The website Jewish Values Online asked me to answer the following question:

Is it wrong to light a yahrzeit candle or want a memorial service for a beloved dog?

It is healthy to desire to memorialize and respectfully remember a beloved companion animal, and it may be attractive to employ elements of the Jewish mourning customs to grieve the loss of a pet.

The mourning practices of Judaism are powerful, effective and wise, and they express utmost respect and recognition that those who die are vessels of a sacred soul for whom we shared a unique familial bond; they also address the unique pain and sorrow that accompanies the mourner over such a loss of life. For these reasons, using the tools of Jewish mourning is inappropriate for the death of an animal.

 

The idea to memorialize in a specifically Jewish way via a yahrtzeit candle and/or a similar memorial service is to conflate three matters:

 

1. the Jewish identity of the one who is grieving;

2. the Jewish customs associated with mourning the loss of a family member; and

3. the death of a non-human.

 

Jewish mourning rituals are reserved for a Jew who loses a close family member (parent, spouse, sibling or child). In the same way it would be inappropriate for non-Jewish mourners to adopt Jewish mourning practices – because it is a misapplication of our sacred religious ritual that is specifically defined to exclusive circumstances – so, too, it is inappropriate to apply Jewish mourning practices to the death of a non-human life.

 

A core value of Judaism is the recognition of the intrinsic value of each human life because we believe that humans share qualities with Gd that are exclusive to these two beings. While the desired effect may be to elevate the worth of an animal's life by mourning it in a human way, in fact and in practice it denigrates the worth of human life. The death of a human family member and that of a companion animal are meant to be, and are, incomparable. To be clear – Jewish mourning is not about the level of love felt toward the object that is lost but is the recognition of the departure of a soul from our world – a soul that possessed unique, Gd-like qualities to transform the world whether or not those qualities were ever actualized.

 

To light a yahrtzeit candle on the anniversary of both the death of a parent and a pet is to place their cosmic worth on similar planes – though one who is Jewish may choose to do so the act is counter to Judaism.

 

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Chosen to be Uncomfortable

[Recently posted by CIF WATCH]

Though born and raised in a proudly Jewish and Zionist home, I was not exposed to the term Pintele Yid until reaching adulthood.

Literally, the words mean 'the little point of a Jew,' though colloquially it refers to the idea of the Jewish spark inside each member of our community. Pintele Yid is a term that has been used to refer to some element of the essence in each Jew that refuses to be extinguished. Some give labels to pintele yid such as chutzpah or determination or stubbornness or soul. Unarguably, for those who accept and embrace the concept of pintele yid, it does serve to distinguish a Jew from others.

Recently, I engaged in a thoughtful conversation with a Jewish friend for whom the idea of 'Chosen People' is an anathema. Simply put, she does not believe that Jews are different from the other peoples of the world. While I certainly understand the discomfort that one may feel over the Torah's reference to our nation as 'chosen,' I believe wholeheartedly in the Jewish people's unique and unambiguous relationship with Gd and, accordingly, with the rest of the humanity. Still, does the People Israel being 'chosen' pertain to each individual or is it a collective label?

For guidance, I look to our tradition's teachings and belief that stems from the Torah's verses, You all stand here today before Adonai your Gd....that you enter into a covenant that Gd makes with you this day that you are His people... not only with you standing here today but also with those who are with us but [physically] not here this day. (Deuteronomy 29:9-14)

Begrudgingly or willfully, our people is defined as involved in an ongoing, unbreakable covenant with the universe's one and only Gd. Each one of us stood before Gd that day and committed to a relationship of great privilege and even greater responsibility. Begrudgingly or willfully, consciously or involuntarily, each member of the Jewish nation is among the chosen of Gd's people.

The existence of each individual Jew in the world is neither random nor happenstance; and each Jew's existence is the result of calculated and uncompromising decisions of the chain of generations that came before us. Through all of the persecution, all of the oppression, all of the pograms, crusades, libels and massacres – the existence of each and every Jew alive today is deliberate and purposeful; and, our survival has no doubt been assisted by our belief that we are unique, different, and essential.

Pintele Yid is the fiber in each Jew that resists the darkness of the complacent and the ordinary. Like the menorah in the time of the Maccabees, the spark of each Jewish soul refuses to be extinguished.